Tuesday, March 3, 2009

the precious present

I'm digging through some of my old CDs and uploading songs to my laptop. It's really wild how listening to most of these songs brings back so many vivid memories and events from my past, not to say all the feelings and emotions that I'm able to instantly recall as well. It's sort of like I've opened up some sort of musical time capsule.

I kept a journal in high school for a few months, and when I would reread my entries it would upset me. Maybe that's because I've always been hard on myself, maybe it's because high school was just a difficult time, or maybe it's because I was rarely happy with me, with being Brian.

Listening to these songs isn't painful or upsetting tonight. I'm able to look at how it was, how it changed, and how it is now with some acceptance. This post is starting to sound like a journal entry of its own, but if I have a point I think that it's this: all I have is right now. I'm free to agonize about the future and second-guess my past, but the only thing I really have is this moment. One benefit that comes with staying in the present is that it allows me to experience the presence of God. When I worry or regret I cannot say "yes" to God, but acknowledging God frees me from myself. Perfect love drives out fear.