Monday, August 3, 2009

monday, monday...

I just left the video review meeting where the staff re-watched Fr. White's message from the first week of Greatest Story Ever Told! It was all about the story of Joseph at the end of the first book of the Bible, the book of Genesis. The takeaway was a line repeated throughout the story: "And the Lord was with Joseph." How would you act knowing that God is always with you?

I woke up this morning feeling pretty lousy. I had overslept, which is easy for me to do on Mondays, still felt exhausted, and didn't want to get out of bed... at all! I eventually wandered downstairs, made a large cup of coffee, and then my brain started churning out all these negative thoughts: "I feel awful. I just want to sit here and do nothing. What's wrong with me? Why do I always feel like this?" And this went on and on... until the thought entered my mind, "What can I do that will make me feel happy?"

That's a huge red flag for me! (Another is, "I deserve this.") When I'm actively thinking about/wishing for things that will make me happy, I've reached the top of my self-centered scale. When I'm there, I quickly become resentful of others, angry over little things, and depressed about my own life. I don't know if you can relate to this particular line of thinking, but I have a feeling some of you may... The point is that I need to catch myself in this downward, selfish spiral and remember that I am here to serve others. God is always with me, and only when I am being of service to others am I positioning myself to receive God's blessing.

Heavenly Dad,
Teach me to be generous.
Teach me to serve you as you deserve,
To give and not to count the cost.
Amen.

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